Hi Keith. Thank you for your response.
Although I agree that losing a parent is the way it’s supposed to be, and is the natural order of things, I personally still believe age is contingent to grief. Why? Because losing a parent at a younger age brings a large array emotions that someone older probably doesn’t have to endure.
At 56, my dad had a lot of life left to live. He was young, fit and healthy and his death was unexpected. We couldn’t plan for it. Losing him at 56 meant he would never walk me down the aisle. He’ll never seen my three younger brothers graduate high school. He’ll never get to attend their 21st birthdays. He’ll never meet our future children. I’ll never know what he looks like with wrinkles and silver hair.
People go through a lot of major events before the age of 35 and it makes his loss even more palpable.
I know that losing a parent at any age sucks. Grief sucks. It’s indescribable.
But I can only imagine that losing a parent in their 80s instead of their 50s is an easier pill to swallow. I think being in your 40, 50s or 60s when you lose a parent makes it easier too. You have far more experiences with them that you can look back on. Their death feels more ‘the way it’s supposed to be”, as you said. And you’ll find comfort in all the things they didn’t miss out on.
I’m not saying it wouldn’t be horrific. It would just feel a little less ‘unfair’.
When you’re older, losing a parent becomes more commonplace. But being in my 20s, I didn’t know a single soul my age that had experienced this. It makes the experience far more lonely and difficult to navigate. No one else could really understand.
I’m sorry for your loss also. I can’t even fathom the pain of losing your mum. Agreed, the pain never goes away but we just have to live each day the way they would want us to.